All I Want For Christmas Is You

It’s funny. When you’re single, dating or newly married, this songs lyrics made you think of your significant other. This year, though, there’s something else I want for Christmas….something I thought for sure would be a reality. What I really wanted this Christmas, was to be pregnant. 

I thought by now we would be at least announcing to our families that we were pregnant. I can’t tell you how many vivid dreams I’ve had about telling our families we’re expecting on Christmas Day. And yet, as I near cycle 50 of a wonky cycle with no clear signs of ovulation, I’m realizing that I need to let this go. 

There were so many Thanksgiving pregnancies announcements on Facebook this year. It stings that my holiday won’t be including a similar announcement to our family and friends. 

Knowing that we are facing my nephew’s first Christmas, with all the wonder and excitement that a first Christmas brings, without having our own “first Christmas” to look forward to, hurts, just a little. I listen to the excitement of my in-laws and feel just a little bit sad. I want that too. Hearing my father and mother in law go on and on about how much they love being grandparents makes me feel inferior…like maybe I’m not on the same level because I haven’t given them a grandchild yet. Not because I don’t want to, but because so far, my body isn’t cooperating. 

But, I have so much to be thankful for. I have a wonderful, optimistic, supportive husband who always finds the hope and humor in this journey for me.  I have family and friends who want what is best for me and love me, even though sometimes, they don’t know what  I need or how to best express their love. I also have met some amazing internet friends. They are a great support and knowledge source for me and I appreciate them all so very much!  *To any Nesties reading, here’s to 2013 and hoping it’s “our” year!*

One of my internet friends mentioned her and her DH buying a gift to put under their tree for their “Someday Baby”. I love this! I might allow myself to do this to keep the optimism and hope alive this Christmas. 

I am grateful to have this blog as an outlet! Off to work on Christmas shopping lists!

~LB

This has been a long time coming

Well, it’s a  work in progress. This might not be the prettiest blog ever, but at least at least this website is allowing it to be more private than the other ones I’ve tried before.

I am blogging because I need an outlet. If you know me in real life, and find this blog somehow, please don’t judge me. My new goal with blogging is to be honest; honest with myself and anyone else who read this. Being honest means not being afraid of the truth or what others think of the truth.

I feel like I’ve spent months keep a secret.  My husband and I have been trying unsecressfully to get pregnat for the last 8 months. It’s been quite a roller coaster and I am having a hard time dealing with my feelings throughout this journey. I know my journey pales in comparison with so many. But, I’ve come to realize that it doens’t make my journey any less important or any less emotional. I need this blog to be a place where I can safely mention it from time to time; on the good days and the bad ones too.

Thanks for reading.

~ Bethie